Look to God and live: Thoughts on our Narcissistic culture.

I try not to post too often on my blog because I find it takes time to come to something worth posting. Wisdom comes with experience and whilst there are many things I could blog on about there are also many blogs already doing that.

My thoughts have revolved around 2 things I did in my life which I shrank from every time I thought of them. The first was from my school days. A girl in my year had a degenerative spinal disorder and had to wear a sort of brace so she could walk and stand. She claimed God was good and in a moment of being spotlighted for peer ridicule I adopted the easy route of deflecting attention onto another. I made a cruel joke about this girl who it happened was present and heard it. I never apologised to her face and it is one of the things I regret the most in my life. Why? Because it was both cruel and uncalled for. I inflicted hurt on an already hurting vulnerable person who did not deserve it. The way this burned into my heart and thoughts when I became a converted Christian I have used to remind me of my own weakness and has given me a great desire to never repeat such an outrage again.

The second thing I did which concerns me is in a moment of very ill health and emotional lowness. Having struggled with fibromyalgia for over 30 years and being faced with absolute ruin (I mean homelessness and loss of all family because no one believed my dilemma) I hit out at a friend who offered me help and then refused it because she herself started to need 'proofs' of my true state. I hit out with fierce and unkind words most unlike me but with a passion of anger I did not know I contained. Yes indeed I was totally alone and afraid and her unsought unconditional offer of help and then just when I was feeling understood and cared about, her removal of it, did indeed kick me when I was already on the floor. But still my response shook me. Was this angry demon really me? Whilst I know both my health condition and my vulnerable state of mind played a huge part, nevertheless I was more shaken by my outburst than her actions. This was more than 5 years ago but I retain the memory because I needed to learn from it.

Both of these events I relate because I believe they both stemmed from the same source; love of self above all others. We live in a very Narcissistic world. We are constantly looking in the mirror instead of looking to God. (please note my capitalisation of any words related to Narcissistic is deliberate even thought not grammatically correct, because I am using this as the alternative to God which indeed should be capitalised).

Our world and society has become totally Narcissistic. As a Christian I know that I am to have no other god than God. Whilst many interpret this to mean material things or status, how about simply oneself. Can I become God to myself? Indeed I believe this is the problem I suffered above and the problem the world is  groaning under. It is the reason Lucifer fell and the reasoning behind all those that follow him. They do not necessarily know that is what they are doing, in their own reasoning they are merely looking after self. Whilst we are of course meant to maintain responsibility within our abilities and means to care for our health and well being, self interest should stop when what we are choosing to do is solely for self in some form and is detrimental to anyone else. Because this is so difficult at times to detect and is so much the norm today, even those aware of it can become prey to this devouring lion. No one is immune to its infection and if continued in, the result, same as with all contagions that are not halted, is death; death of the best of a person and their ability to learn and grow and become useful and loving people.

How can one defend against such a snare? The only way I know is the Divine advice to 'Look to God' and live. Don't look in the mirror, don't look left or right at your neighbour, look up and seek help from the Heavens. Unless we stop and take this necessary step, cruel, wasteful, and even devastating words and actions will continue to spew from us. Social media will continue to be anything but true healthy society. Our ideals will continue to be those who are obsessed with image and material possessions. Our sleep at night will continue to be disturbed and our hearts hurting.

I am not some sort of religious leader or wise oracle. I am an ordinary woman of this world sharing what my experiences and thinking has taught me. I am not suggesting anyone look to me or follow me, but that you seek higher than mortal. Do not follow the flock but seek the Shepherd. We are not in a race against each other but we are on a journey of self enlightenment and growth. We are co-walkers on a path not competitors in a competition. In your day, please stop for a moment to smell the roses, and whilst doing that stop and review what you did, said, felt in the day towards others and whether what you did was about yourself or did you consider the other person, the son or daughter of Our Father in Heaven. This is our time to live. We are only here for a short time. When you are dead will others remember you with sad smile as they recall all the good feelings that come from your memory, or will they shudder at the thought of you and push you as far from their remembrance as possible? I write this because I don't want to be the cause of grief and pain as I feel I was in the 2 events I related, I am in a way being self-wish, I am hoping my self will answer a wish of something good for someone, and that both of us will sleep at night with hearts that are enlarged by simple acts of kindness.

Back to the Classics Challenge 2017

I will be joining in this challenge, rules below and will post my choices and reviews as the year progresses:

 1.  A 19th Century Classic - any book published between 1800 and 1899.
The Wyvern Mystery by J Sheridan Le Fanu

2.  A 20th Century Classic - any book published between 1900 and 1967. Just like last year, all books MUST have been published at least 50 years ago to qualify. The only exception is books written at least 50 years ago, but published later, such as posthumous publications.South Riding by Winifred Holtby

3.  A classic by a woman author.A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolfe

4.  A classic in translation.  Any book originally written published in a language other than your native language. Feel free to read the book in your language or the original language. (You can also read books in translation for any of the other categories).

The Bridal Wreath by Sigrid Undset

5.  A classic published before 1800. Plays and epic poems are acceptable in this category also.

The Republic by Plato

6.  An romance classic. I'm pretty flexible here about the definition of romance. It can have a happy ending or a sad ending, as long as there is a strong romantic element to the plot.

Lorna Doone by R D Blackmore

7.  A Gothic or horror classic. For a good definition of what makes a book Gothic, and an excellent list of possible reads, please see this list on Goodreads. 

The Mysteries of Udolpho by Ann Radcliffe

8.  A classic with a number in the title. Examples include A Tale of Two Cities, Three Men in a Boat, The Nine Tailors, Henry V, Fahrenheit 451, etc.

The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas

9.  A classic about an animal or which includes the name of an animal in the title.  It an actual animal or a metaphor, or just the name. Examples include To Kill a Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men, The Metamorphosis, White Fang, etc. 

Where Nests the Water Hen by Gabrielle Roy

10. A classic set in a place you'd like to visit. It can be real or imaginary: The Wizard of Oz, Down and Out in Paris and London, Death on the Nile, etc.

A Passage to India by E M Forster

11. An award-winning classic. It could be the Newbery award, the Prix Goncourt, the Pulitzer Prize, the James Tait Award, etc. Any award, just mention in your blog post what award your choice received.
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck: Pulitzer Prize for 1940

12. A Russian Classic. 2017 will be the 100th anniversary of the Russian Revolution, so read a classic by any Russian author. 

Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak

And now, the rest of the rules:

• All books must be read in 2017. Books started before January 1, 2017 do not qualify. All reviews must be linked to this challenge by December 31, 2017. I'll post links each category the first week of January which will be featured on a sidebar on this blog for the entire year. 

• You must also post a wrap-up review and link it to the challenge no later than December 31, 2017. Please include links within your final wrap-up to that I can easily confirm all your categories. Also, it is OK to rearrange books to fit different categories in your wrap-up post -- for example, last year I originally planned to use Journey to the Center of the the Earth in the Fantasy/SciFi/Dystopian category, but then I decided to count it as an Adventure Classic. Most books count count toward several categories, so it's fine if you change them, as long as they are identified in your wrap-up post.

Glengarry school days by Ralph Connor: A hidden gem published 1902.

After reading the first 2 chapters I was already thrilled with this little gem of a book.

Set in a Canadian backwoods community in the late 1800's, the story centers around the school, the pupils and master, and the families.

The teacher-pupil relationship with the first master, Archie Munro, is inspiring and the 'golden lessons' that he teaches...that the man that remains master of himself never knows defeat.'

I loved the chapter called, 'Examination day; ' The examination was the great school event of the year...its approach was attended with deepening excitement...'
I don't remember ever feeling that way about examinations. More like deepening anxiety. How great it would be if exams were like this again. Each person doing their best and encouraging others to do theirs.
And as the Master said, 'It is a good thing to have your minds trained and stored with useful knowledge, but there are better things than that. To learn honour, truth, and right; to be manly and womanly; to be self-controlled and brave and gentle-these are better than all possible stores of learning...'

The new master introduced at chapter 4 was certainly different. I did have some sympathy with him at first as it is never easy taking over a position that was previously held by someone loved. However, he soon lost my sympathy by his behaviour. He not only belted Thomas, the brave young fellow who volunteered to take the whipping for his younger fellow pupil, but he also little Jimmie who he volunteered for.

Connor's masterful description of the minister's son, Hughie and his descent into the clutches of the manipulative 'Foxy' and then his inner turmoil, makes this book more than just a sweet book of delightful nostalgic tales. It becomes a book of deep human understanding. Everyone of us at some time in our life has done something that we deeply regret and which burns a hole in our very soul if we don't take it to the Lord and the one(s) offended. I squirmed and ached every step of the way with Hughie and rejoiced with his emancipation. As Mrs. Finch says, "It is a graund thing tae be free, is it no.' Masterfully done by one who knows the Master.

The description of working and being with the Finch family was also very well done. I have experienced similar myself and felt peace simply by reading about it. The Lord gave us work for a blessing and Mrs. Murray and Mrs. Finch both understood this principle. Connor obviously has a 'mother-love'. He either had a mother of great virtue and wisdom or else he didn't but knew of such in other families. Either way, he put mother at the centre of a loving strong healthy family.

The conversion of John Craven and the shinny match were well written. I was caught up in the excitement of the match and the way Mrs. Murray and Mrs. Finch ministered to others in a quiet feminine way. It was interesting to read that according to Hughie's mother, the purpose of the game was 'to teach the boys to control their temper.' and that 'he that ruleth his spirit it better than he that taketh a city.' I wish sportsmen today observed this philosophy.

Overall, wonderful well written book with deep understanding of the emotions and ideals of a community of people trying to live according to their beliefs and principles. This book is a keeper.

Glory to God

My 2 children are moving forward from their mum's safe arms out into the world. My daughter is graduating today and my son will start university in September.
Yes I taught them to read and many other things but I know that these achievements are my children's and that the glory is to God.

Refiner's Fire

Many people claim that there is no God or that He is a cruel and uncaring God when they are afflicted or suffer. Whilst God does not wish us to suffer, suffering does have a purpose. Most suffering comes from our own foolish choices or the agency of others who care more for the things of this world than for people. But the Lord also allows suffering as a teaching and a refining. In all cases of suffering, whether it is as a result of our own choices, the agency of others or for His wise purposes, the Lord is with us and bears most of the suffering. He never abandons us. The things I have suffered in my life have served to cause me to know more fully that there is a God and that He is all loving, merciful and wise.

 I foolishly worshiped the 'golden calf' whilst still professing love of God. What followed was a long period of wandering in the wilderness. A time of grief, despair, fear, loneliness and pain. I came to learn through this period, as a passed through the 'refiner's fire' that nothing here on earth, no possession, emotion or status, has any real value or power and only the Lord God is worth worshiping.

Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.
Isaiah 48:10

And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God.
Zechariah 13:9

And when we cried unto the Lord God of our fathers, the Lord heard our voice, and looked on our affliction, and our labour, and our oppression
And the Lord brought us forth out of Egypt with a mighty hand, and with an outstretched arm, and with great terribleness, and with signs, and with wonders:
And He hath brought us into this place, and hath given us this land, even a land that floweth with milk and honey.
Deuteronomy 26: 7-9

For He hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath He hid His face from him; but when he cried unto Him, He heard.

Psalm 22:24

Deep roots.

I know the gospel is true. I can't explain why I have such a deep testimony; it is a gift from God. I know that this life is neither the beginning nor the end. I have experienced much heartache and affliction in this life including divorce from the man I love very much, financial losses that caused me to lose my home many times, severe ill health with depression and MS-like symptoms where I was going blind and deaf and losing the ability to function or look after myself, and being on suicide watch over my son who was struggling with depression. But despite, or maybe because of, these things, my testimony of God and His plan for us, His children, has gone deep. Like roots searching for water, my testimony has become deep and strong.

I do not think my times of trial are over but I do know that the Lord is at the helm and whatever He sends into my life is for a wise purpose, even though I often cannot see what it is at the time:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

In our weakness, we come to know the power of the Lord, if we will be humble.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

The Scent of Water by Elizabeth Goudge is a beautiful story that has this thread of truth running though it.

Messages of God's Abundance

Corrie Ten Boom was a great lady who loved the Lord and served Him. She was imprisoned in Ravensbruck during WWII because of her work helping those the Hitler Regime wished to destroy. She lost many of her family members and witnessed much evil and suffering. Yet she emerged from these experiences a warrior for Truth and Light.

After the war, she gave a series of radio talks, thanks to Trans World Radio, which were beamed across Europe and into Germany, using the very transmitters that the Nazi's built, but never used, to spread their propaganda. Some of these talks have been published and here is an extract from one:

'When I was released (from Ravensbruck) and went back home, my body carried the scars of the camp for a long time. My friends were afraid I would say: "The greatest reality in life is human cruelty." But through God's grace I was able to say: "There are three great realities in life. The first is the ocean of God's love in Jesus Christ, second, God's promise's, and third, God's commandments."

Messages of God's Abundance: Corrie Ten Boom.